The New Kids??? on The Block
Is mankind spiritually prepared for The Second Coming? Have we all come to the point where the apocalypse is truly inevitable? Will fire and brimstone wreck havoc upon those innocent little mortals out there who once worshipped from atop Mt. Olympus while sacrificing offerings to Them within their Almighty Temple Of Babydoll Defication and weeping tears of joy as the holy light shone down upon them from above as they were seen worthy and favoured by The Highest Gods Reining known throughout The Golden Age Of Man as Jonathan, Jordan, Joey, Donnie and Danny? Have The New Kids On The Block returned to punish society for listening to death metal disco Marilyn Manson or NIN? Or to punish the admirably stubborn Prince, Madonna, George Michael or even Lionel Richie for daring to desecrate their reign by being worshipped from within the same decade and far beyond it while their own Earthly Kingdom has crumbled away into ruin, myth and legend? Or perhaps even the determined upstarts Britney Spears and her gal pal Paris Hilton as well, for having a longer run than they have themselves? Although their Immaculately Heaven-Sent False Prophet On Earth, Maurice Starr, is not a part of this evil manifestation, nothing has really changed. Somehow, The New Kids On The Block have been Hangin' Tough all this time. Somebody thought that we would both ignore the clash of their name with their current ages and also that we had supposedly all forgotten the bloodcurdling chaos these twerps caused Back In The Day as they lead their armied hordes of screaming teenybopped freaks all across the country. Somebody made a big mistake. Who can DARE walk into a music store and buy a copy of this album without wearing a bag over their head? True, the cover might fool your grandmother into thinking it's The Backstreet Boys' Black & Blue album or the 'N Sync album, which she was certain that one of your family wanted for Christmas, although she can't be certain as to when that was or which of her grandchildren had asked for it in the first place; she's getting on in years, but hey, she's trying, right? But inside, the guest stars and songwriting won't even fool old Grandma. She knows teenybop rehash when she hears it. There's no way these dudes are going to scam her in buying this worthlessly pathetic, eunich-howling, post-prepubescent dogmeat. She's going back for her money and a copy of either Black & Blue or 'N Sync. And that could be her second biggest mistake.
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